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April 25, 2003 |
One night I had a dream that I sprouted wings from my back - you know, right in that place where your shoulder plate moves in your back? I barely remembered it right when I woke, but then that same place started itching. I remembered the dream and laughed at the thought that it might be true. My skin is usually dry anyway. But then over the next week or two, the muscles there in my back just got more and more stiff and the skin never stopped itching, no matter how much or what kind of lotion I used. The itching was so bad that it felt like I could scratch through the skin and not be able to stop it. Trying to find a solution to the ache, I started stretching my upper back, pushing my shoulders back and up to get my upper spine to pop (with such a pleasant feeling and noise!). Throughout the weeks that passed, the stiffness kept getting worse - like the muscles were pulled too taught and the itching leveled off at intolerable. The dream wouldn't leave my thoughts no matter what I tried to distract myself with, and although it wasn't nightly, the dream did return. I was trying to decide if it was worth it to go see the college's nurse, and was stretching (again), but in front of the mirror in my room this time. I realized it looked like I was stretching my wings, if the dream had been true. The next moment, I had to rub my eyes and wipe the mirror to check for splotches. Looking in the mirror, I did have wings - feathered wings, folded against my back, as if they had been there all the time, and I just hadn't noticed them. I thought, Maybe I simply wasn't able to notice them - maybe something had clouded my vision. They were an awful lot like the wings on those sickly-sweet little angels you see around Christmas-time, but somehow both more bird-like and unreal. I didn't know yet if they would lift me off the ground in flight, or if they were more for gliding and soaring, or if they would hold me aloft at all, but even if I crashed and I broke every bone in my body, I knew I wanted to try. Heck, I didn't even know if they were real at all or simply an hallucination provided by my overactive imagination. So I reached over my shoulder to touch them, if there were there... and felt with my hands the perfect meshing of bone and tendon and muscle under powder-soft feathers. Then I started wondering - how was I supposed to wear normal clothes? I was currently wearing a tank-top body suit and black jeans, the wings slipped neatly through the shoulder holes. Would I have to cut holes in all my shirts and jackets, or would they fit folded underneath? And wouldn't that get uncomfortable anyway? If they would fold underneath my shirts comfortably, they looked too long, so that I would have to tuck the ends into my pants somehow. and wouldn't that cause conspicuous bulges? Maybe I wanted everyone to see these beautiful pinions anyway. Then again, since maybe I hadn't been able to notice them before, and perhaps they had actually been there all the time, maybe no one would notice them. I decided to just go out wearing what I already had on and not try to hide my new appendages. I guess I figured that if anyone actually saw the wings, I'd show them off, and if no one noticed, then I wouldn't have to worry about being carted off to a circus side-show or FBI lab. Besides, I wanted to try flying. |
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May 5, 2003 |
I walked out onto the busy sidewalk and stood completely still. I looked into the faces of the people going by and saw nothing but annoyance at my figure blocking their way. "Lead, follow, or get out of the way," someone growled and pushed by. Slowly, I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding. My palms had been slightly damp, and my stomach had been clenched, waiting for a startled cry.I opened my fists then too, suddenly aware that they too had been clenched. Now that I was sure, or at least pretty sure, that no one could see my wings, my eyes searched for a place that would suit my needs. I looked at the movie theatre next door, the one that was the cause of all the sidewalk traffic--a movie had just ended--and thought that it might be exactly what I was looking for. It wasn't a tall building, only one story tall, and instead it sprawled like some great sleeping beast. That meant that there was not so far to fall. There was a big neon sign on the front of it, one that needed a lot of attention because of its age, and a ladder that allowed employees and workmen to go up and attend to it. There had also been a leak earlier that year, but that fleeting thought had absolutely nothing to do with the issue at hand. It was just that my mind was racing, and it wanted to go in several directions at once. I was about to head for that ladder when I noticed something. There was a young man, about my age, coming towards me. He was good looking and normally that would be enough to make me take notice, but it wasn't what drew my gaze today. Above his head, mostly hidden by his slight body but still highly visible, rose the tips of two sky blue wings. |
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August 16, 2003 |
I froze, staring. He smiled at me, extending his hand. "Greetings, fledgling. I'm here to welcome you to the flock." "You're... I'm... flock?" I responded cleverly. His smile grew slightly. "We'll try that over again. Hi, I'm Matthew, I'm here to help you out." "I'm confused... but the name's Ellen. How exactly were you planning on helping me out?" "Your wings are a gift, but they are also a burden. I'm here to teach you how to best carry it. Perhaps this conversation would best be continued elsewhere?" This last comment was inspired by the sudden arrival of a school bus filled with kids, obviously on some sort of a field trip. The kids poured out of the bus with a kind of manic energy, shrieking at the top of their voices. He took my arm. "I'll show you how to do this by yourself later when we have time for you to practice. For now, just hold on." In less time than it takes to say 'Oh my goddamnit we're NOT actually flying, oh yes we are, oh my LORD!' (and I know this from personal experience) we were aloft, soaring about thirty feet up. That was strange enough, but the truly odd part was that no one seemed to notice. I clung to Matthew like a barnacle, but he didn't seem to even notice. "You'll get the hang of it in no time. I can tell; you're a natural-born flyer." "Mind telling me where we're going?" I managed to cry. We were still rising in altitude. "We're going to the nest. There you can meet the others." "The...others?" He started to reply, when a shriek of wind tore the words from his lips. We spun in a crazy twirl. His grip tightened as he tried to pull me in closer to gain control of the spin, and I heard the next word very clearly. "Shit." There was a wicked-sounding cackle. Yes, a cackle. Not a chuckle, not a laugh, not a giggle; it was an honest-to-God cackle! We were still spinning, so I couldn't see the speaker, but I heard the voice continue, "Matthew, sweetheart! What a marvelous surprise! And who's this little one?" Matthew finally regained control, and we ended up hovering in mid-air facing the speaker. She wasn't ugly. I feel the need to make this clear now, so as to avoid any misunderstandings. She was really rather lovely, though perhaps in a mildly plump way. Her hair was brown and curly, falling halfway to her waist, but her expression ruined the impression of beauty. Her smile was that of a predator; a cat that has a caught a mouse and intends to play with it just for fun, not because it needs the food. Flanking her were two men with blond hair and identically grim expressions. She flew closer. Her wings were a pale rose, and contrasted beautifully with her dark hair. "Oh, did you find another hatchling to corrupt?" Her eyes fell on me, sweeping up and down. It was more probing and intrusive than even an x-ray machine. She seemed to pick apart my mind and find me lacking. Matthew tightened his grip on me and backed away slightly. "Don't even think about running for it, darling. You'll never make it with that much dead weight. Bruce and Henry are very fast, and I hate being made to wait." "Funny, I hate being near you. So much hatred, so little time," Matthew murmured. "Really, Angelina, you don't think a fledgling worth this much trouble. Why such a reception?" "I've missed you," she smirked. "But you don't need her." "I'm sure I'll find a use for her." Angelina's eyes narrowed on me. "How about it, sweet? I'll give you a choice. You can join me, or you can rot with him. Decide quickly; I'm a busy woman." "I..." "Death is a better fate, Ellen, believe me." "That's his decision to make. If he wants to die, let him, but your life is your own. Don't go to him. They'll hobble your powers, chain your wings." Her eyes met mine. "Didn't you want to fly, Ellen? They'll keep you grounded forever, trapped with them in their self-made graves." "I..." I tried to look at Matthew, unable to even understand what was happening, much less make a decision. He looked down at me, his eyes gentle. "When I learned there was a new fledgling, I begged to be allowed to be the one to show you how to fly. Ellen, close your eyes, and let the air hold you, as it did in your dreams." He released me. For a moment, there was a clear and distinct explosion of panic and I hurtled towards the ground like an anvil in a cartoon. Then I remembered how to fly. It was bliss. It was a triple-dip cone on the first day of summer. It was a favorite movie and all afternoon. It was the sudden adrenaline rush when you first start dancing. Then Matthew tugged on my wrist and practically dragged me with him. "Hurry!" I followed him, and heard Angelina shriek a command behind me, but I didn't stop to see. We flew like the wind, like a pair of shooting stars. I heard Matthew laughing. "This isn't exactly the way I planned your first flying lesson! Good thing you're a natural!" |
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October 22, 2003 |
It was a whirlwind flight through the air, with Angelina's brutes not far behind us. Matthew did tricks in the air that had me holding my breath--and at times, closing my eyes. But he didn't let go of my wrist. Even so, the two men were hot on our tail when I heard a cry come from somewhere ahead. I couldn't see who it was, because hair was plastered to my face, but Matthew slowed and turned slightly in the air. As we came to a stop and hovered, I wiped dark strands from my eyes. I saw Angelina's two blond goons flying away from us at an amazing speed. Puzzled, I looked to Matthew, who was smiling. "Wh...?" I started. Matthew loosed my wrist and turned, so I followed. Flying towards us were five people, their wings each a different color. Two of them were women, and all five were quite young. "One of these times, we're not going to be around to pull your butt out of the fire," one of the men said with a grin. Matthew chuckled and said to me, "Ellen, this is my brother Josiah, and our friends Lorelei, Michaela, Bree, and Teddy. Bree was not born flock but became flock, much like you." Suddenly, I felt shy. I managed to say, "Hi," but that was it. They all looked warm and friendly, but I couldn't help but remember that I didn't know them or anything about their culture. My stomach started to tie itself in knots as I thought of all that I didn't know about my new situation. "Come on." Michael said, cutting through my fear. "We'll go to the city, and then we'll tell you everything." |
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October 16, 2004 |
The journey to the place they called the Nest was short but incredible. After having proven myself capable of flight, Matthew let me soar above the clouds without any assistance. I had been on an airplane twice before, and I remembered looking out the window into the cotton-candy colored clouds below us at sunset. Flying without the aid of a machine made the sight even more spectacular! Swirling wisps of condensation collided, grew, separated, and shrank right before my eyes. If I hadn't been trying to keep up with the others, I might have even tried to land on a cloud, just to see if I could. They looked soft enough to take a nap on. Before I knew it, Matthew was beside me again, hand held out for me to grasp again. I complied, and together we followed the rest of them into a nosedive, through a break in the clouds. The sight beyond took my breath away. |
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